Change is hard

Even when we know what changes we want to make to our life, making those changes is hard and takes time.

Change is hard because it makes uncomfortable. We don't know how things will feel after change has happened. When we change something, we start from a place that we are familiar with, that we know well. The change promises to bring us to a less familiar place that we have not experienced yet, except in our imagination, in our mind. Therefore making this change involves some risk that is not always easy to accept and take. What if I lose my friends? What if I don't make enough money?

Change is hard because it requires effort. When we learn to do something, anything, either physical or cognitive, and we do it over and over, we become better at it and it progressively requires less and less effort for us to do it. Some things we do may even become automatic. We don't need to think when we do them. Learning to do something differently requires effort and makes uncomfortable because we have to re-engage the mind in learning something new. That consumes calories too.

Meanwhile change is appealing because it is life. How more alive can we be than when we discover new places, when we learn to do something new, when we conquer the unknown? Who has been warmed with joy after changing something to their life, being different for a while?

Also change is natural because life is change. Every moment that passes is different than any other moment. Every moment is different than any moment in the past or the future. How may we adapt to a changing life if we continue doing the same exact thing the same exact way over and over?

The secret to change is openness and curiosity. The good news is that everyone can learn to be more open and more curious. 

When do you know if you need coaching?

During a discussion with a potential client today, I was asked "how do I know if I need coaching and if it will help me?".

The truth is that until you've tried it, it may be hard to believe that you should get a coach. So what makes you believe you should?

My first experience with coaching by a professional coach at work was not good. All happened at work and on the phone. After a short conversation the coach suggested practices that did not sound right for who I was, hence I never did the practices. It ended quickly and I immediately decided that coaching was not something for me. It was five years ago.

Well, obviously I have changed my mind because now I am not only convinced that coaching is good for me but I have become a coach and I am committed to spread the value of coaching to others.

I would tend to say that everyone could benefit from a coach. Why? Because everyone has issues or questions that are hard to solve without someone else waking them up and shaking them in their own little world, bringing to them new perspectives about their life and making them aware of their blind spots.

The coach comes handy to pull them out of their dream, their world and giving them new eyes to look at their life.

Whether your issue is "I want to become a better spouse" or "I want to get promoted" or "I want a new life" or "I want to get better at making friends", someone else who does not know you might help you to see your issue from a different angle and support you in building skills that will make you solve those issues and recreate a new world where you feel better and happier.

Once you believe that coaching might indeed be for you, you will need to find a good coach for you, one who will care about you as a complex human being and more importantly one who will feel you and understand your issue in the context of your entire life. It is probably the hardest part of your coaching journey. The coach will only help you if you establish with the coach mutual trust and respect. Some coaches will work for some people and not for others. You will know it in your heart, body and mind during the first discussions with a coach.

Once you find a coach that you trust what matters next will be your commitment to engage in the practices and exercises that the coach gives you. Successful coaching requires work on both sides, the coach and the client.

So yes, you probably need coaching. Making it work will require finding a good coach for you and agreeing to do some work.

What this is all about...

Niagara Coaching practices integral coaching, as taught by New Ventures West

The main goal of integral coaching is to build the client’s competence to face life situations and related issues. Integral coaching is not just about solving specific issues but really about helping the client to build the skills to solve those issues by herself. Hence it is successful when the coachee gets the following benefits: long-term excellence, the ability to self-correct and competence in being self-generating.

I will consider and integrate everything about the client and the client’s world in my coaching. More specifically I will bring a view of the client that includes how she represents herself but also investigates her social world, habits, relationship with her body, the quality of her self-care, the amount of attention or energy available to take on change.
I will work to understand the client with great depth and scope. I will converse with her in a way that opens up insights and possibilities, and I will offer a path forward including custom-designed activities.

I look forward to working with you!